Traveling with a Lisa Gags order.
After my plane last night had a mechanical issue, I arrived 3 1/2 hours late to be greeted by Lisa Murphy Gags, who was already way into her cups of O’ban Starbucks. As I’d been up exactly 24 hours as we arrived at the hotel, I didn’t realize that the cabbie didn’t hand me back my credit card. However, he kindly returned my card to the hotel. It’s like Harry Potter magic! We began touring today as hapless zombies seeing all the cool buildings in old town Edinburgh deciding that they were all the Hogwarts Campus or Edinburgh University rather than bothering in our exhaustion to look up the correct names giving our short-sighted selves a rather kilted view of the city. Tomorrow, we will exercise greater diligence in our learning. To add to it, no matter what these Scots are saying, it all sounds like they are offering me marshmallows shaped like pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, and green clovers. We went to the Christmas Markets; which had rides, about 700 food and Craft kiosks, and 1 Hannukah kiosk. It turns out that its owner was a wandering Jewish merchant who thought he heard that Scots liked to haggle, only to find out they like haggis.
After the terrific markets, we grabbed a drink at the famed Balmoral Hotel where they held these 400 bottles of Scotch in captivity. I believe this caused William Wallace to say, “they may take away our Scotch, but they’ll never take away our freedom.” Free the single malts will be Lisa’s battle cry for the trip. I have to get to sleep now as I’ve been up for 37 hours and my 18-hour bra isn’t holding up causing one Scot to try and use my double Ds for a bagpipe.
Rubber Chicken 