Traveling with the Ancients.
We spent a lovely day at Ffryer’s Beach in Antigua (which Devra Robins thought was named Friedberg or Friedman’s Beach. Sure there are more Jews in NYC or Brooklyn than in Israel, but Ffryer’s Beach is still not Coney Island but is a place where the Jewish population probably numbers a guy who ate a bagel once, my sister believes the beach has a Jewish name). Anyway, we are midway through our cruise and so far, I haven’t fallen out of the dwarf twin beds, they give you on cruise ships. They are the United Airlines seats of bedding and mattresses. I spend each night in a semi-awake state fearing that my pillow will fall on the floor or I’ll awaken to a face full of curtains not washed since Leon Klinghoffer last cruised. When they designed these narrow short beds, I think that Royal Caribbean used their Filipino cabin boys much like crash test dummies substituting for us large wide-bodied American guests. On a positive note, if you leave your room for even a few minutes, the cabin stewards clean your room in your absence. Much like Bigfoot, they are rarely seen while using their elfin magic, yet some of these mythical creatures even leave behind their calling card shaped as a towel animal. Now, to supposedly reduce their carbon footprint, Royal Caribbean has room attendants only making towel animals upon request. So, now as a guest, I made to feel shame and guilt for wanting to come home to a towel penguin laying in my bed wearing sunglasses. If loving that is wrong, I don’t want to be right. I drive a hybrid, damn it! Is it too much to want to come home to a little towel elephant with a washcloth trunk? Anyway, I read that the average cruise worker works 6-7 days a week and an average of 16-18 hour day and makes only $2000 a month. I’m planning to offer $2200 a month to hire a steward to live in a crevice in my house to provide me the same services and let my love for towel art be what’s sustainable. I’ve just placed an order with Aramark for my first towels. I can’t wait for Bernardo’s arrival.
Rubber Chicken 