For those who think business travel is glamorous, I’m staying at the Four Points across from Port Authority. The neighborhood near this bus depot is so nasty that I used to joke that I am no longer of an age where towing my luggage behind me might cause a pimp to mistake me for a cornfed runaway looking to make it in the big city only to end up in his stable. There’s also a strip club next to the hotel where if you’d walk inside, you’d see women of my age and dimensions shaking and working the pole in granny panties.
However tonight is at an all-time low, as if you filmed this block to represent the big bad city, filmgoers would think that the staging was over the top. First, from the safety of my car, I saw a man running with a toddler holding him ala the Kramer vs Kramer injury scene, although I’d be surprised if this kid wasn’t dead. After parking in a garage around the corner, I got treated to a hobo spending a quiet night at home(less) pleasuring himself into an old phone booth stall. (Is there no doubt why Superman stopped coming around?) Minutes later, I was offered crack for purchase, but took a pass. Next, while venturing into a construction walkway, pizza rat sans his endearing pizza crossed a foot in front of me. I emerged from the walkway only to miss stepping into a fresh pool of urine provided by another homeless gent. After this journey, I arrived at my crappy hotel where the rate tonight is more than the GNP of most 3rd world countries.
I’m actually more than a bit anxious about leaving here at 530am to be at Mount Sinai Hospital at 600am. I hope to arrive there as a vendor and not as a patient due to the anticipated morning greeters on the street. I may be the only person in NYC, who’s looking forward to moving on up to stay in Harlem tomorrow night. Even in his current crazy state, bring back Guilani!!!!
Rubber Chicken 