Rubbed the Wrong Way!

Today, I had my first massage at a Massage Envy in Scarsdale since contracting MRSA and another nasty infection from a Groupon massage in Staten Island (should be called Staff in island for the staff infection that I got). As I went to the reception desk with my friend, we were greeted by a she-male with contact lenses of a color not found in nature, but perhaps plucked from a Lisa Frank unicorn and she/he/they/it/them had eyebrows tweezed within an inch of his life. I was thinking of him as he directed me to the ladies room for a pre-massage pee. Thinking of him, I almost mistakenly walked into the single room men’s room, but quickly turned to enter the ladies’ room. I opened the door and realized that I walked in on someone. While that’s always awkward, I became like a deer frozen in the spa lights, when I realized that it was a male hovering over the seat like a female would when trying not to sit on the seat while peeing. His manhood dangled in his hand. My mind couldn’t process closing the door fast enough, as it jumped back to connecting this guy with the she-male receptionist. As I stared in my fugue state, I thought that the toilet guy was distinctly doing a tranny tuck of his schlong into his ass crack. After what seemed like minutes, I finally closed the door apologizing profusely. Then, like an idiot, I waited by the ladies room door to use the bathroom after him/her before realizing I’d have to face the stall violator again. When I heard the flush, I regained my senses and jumped into the men’s room to avoid having to see him and prolong (or is it proschlong) an awkward situation. I returned to the lounge area to await my massage and certainly was not in a relaxed mode. When the massage therapist called out my name, I looked up to see that my masseuse was none other than the stall violating schlong tucker. He smiled sheepishly and said “Hi, I believe we already met.” So, I responded, “Hmmm, something about you is familiar, but I can’t seem to place your face.” We walked awkwardly to the massage room together. I undressed and got under the covers. When he knocked, I said, “come in” then pointed out had he not knocked and had walking in, we would’ve been even. Somehow, I have a feeling that when he asked me to turn half way through the massage, he snuck a peek at my deployed air bags just so that the balance of the universe would be restored. On the way out though, I did glance back at the sign just to check that I had actually walked into Massage Envy and not into a Penis Envy.